Constancies

One girl I feel like I'm holding back from her full potential, while the other I urge to move forward. One I hold on to dear life, while the other I tell her she can find someone better, someone who'll give her all she wants in life and all she deserves.

How can I tell my friend she deserves better when I don't even give better to the one I love?

May cause some insanity

Paranoid. Struggled with my own sanity. Focus man, focus. Half of my life I wanted to please you and keep you happy. I want to love you the way I did in the past. Now you're just broken and I'm the one who dropped you. I'm sorry. I really am.

Shot

It was suppose to be something exciting yesterday, but it wasn't. Wasn't anyone's fault, really. Jyg was in pain, feeling rather sick and Monica had oral surgery that morning. However, for a birthday, even though it wasn't exciting and I had all this energy that just wasted away, I still had a good time.

Men with Women

El Senor and I were coming home from Art Expressions (in McAllen, TX), when the conversation of relationships came up. In short: We're two men - assholes - who are lucky enough to have two women who love them.

Visual Effects

What part of us survived the car crash that was our love? I hear your voice, it sounds only vaguely familiar.

Stepping stone

The Lover Pleads with His Friend for Old Friends

Though you are in your shining days,
Voices among the crowd
And new friends busy with your praise,
Be not unkind or proud,
But think about old friends the most:
Time's bitter flood will rise,
Your beauty perish and be lost
For all eyes but these eyes.

W.B. Yeats, A Poet to His Beloved: The Early Love Poems of William Butler Yeats

Feeling blue. Is that cliche? Feeling blue? Spent most the time wandering and wondering around the house. I felt wasted. Defeated, even. Smoking was something I longed to do. I have an addictive personality - I've only smoked a few times in my life, all about 10 or so years ago. Sad, ain't it?

I miss my friends. Can't get over what was said. I feel I should apologize. I feel I should make amends rather than burning bridges.

Fragmentary

Last night a friend and I had a talk about our loneliness. It can be summed up in a sentence: "We're a couple of assholes, you and me."

Another friend and I had drifted. It's mostly my fault. Our minds used to be so in sync. Now I'm sure we couldn't play rock paper scissors and land on the same item.

One friend asked me why it was we don't talk or hang out anymore. My response was simple, "Because you got married."

Times change, I suppose. And I can't seem to let the past go. Why can't I return to childhood and start all over again?

Afterthoughts

"We're a couple of assholes, you and me."

Birthday

It's probably my ninth or tenth birthday. I am happy. I have friends. I haven't grown up to be the disappointment, yet. I haven't hurt anyone, broken their hearts yet. Innocent, young me. My only crime is not knowing the person I'd grow up to be. Sorry kid.

Ten days until my 26th birthday and what have I accomplished? Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Rather than doing something, I seem to bury myself in self-pity and expect the rest of them to fall in line. Our tradition of birthday week - which started in 2003 when Binx, D. and I started to hang out - is finally over. There won't be one this year because a rift has formed. Binx and I will still celebrate our birthdays - his is the day before mine - but D. is pretty much out of the equation in my life. To cure the ailments, one must remove the poison. I've vowed to remove all poisonous people from my life. There's only room for one self-destructive megalomaniac and he's writing this post.