Doldrums

City stinks for human waste. It's decaying. The people in it are merely tending to the gangrene wounds. I find myself trapped between this world and the whatever lies in way for me outside the boundaries. I don't know who I am anymore. A man or a myth; when the alter ego takes control of the wheel, it's chaos. I cannot do it anymore. There must be something else.

Marijuana St. Blues

The problem with today's culture is that the media lies to us. Not news networks, no. That's not the media in question: Television ads are. It's one thing to make a quick buck conning a few stupid people, but to con people who are at their last string in hopes to beat a disease that is slowly killing them is just immoral.

There is a third in this category, however. Public Service Announcements (PSAs) are supposed to be informational and not filled with misinformation, am I right? You wouldn't expect a PSA from the tobacco company stating that their cigarettes are, in fact, good for your health and might even allow you to live longer, would you? No. Plain and simple. So when a government entity allows PSAs filled with misinformation about cannabis usage and its effects, aren't we being a little hypocritical?

In no way am I suggesting that teenagers should be allowed to spark up a joint. Unlike with tobacco and alcohol, the long term effects from cannabis are very low, in fact, healthier (in comparison). I say that the Above the Influence PSAs should be removed from television and the organization behind them should rethink the concept.

Johari Window

Arena (known to self and others) introverted, searching, silly, tense	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, calm, caring, clever, complex, dependable, energetic, extroverted, friendly, happy, intelligent, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, observant, trustworthy, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) nervous, shy	Unknown (known to nobody) able, adaptable, bold, brave, cheerful, confident, dignified, giving, helpful, idealistic, independent, ingenious, kind, modest, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, sympathetic, warm

Dominant Traits

66% of people think that BBEP is complex

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (16%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (16%) caring (33%) cheerful (0%) clever (16%) complex (66%) confident (0%) dependable (16%) dignified (0%) energetic (16%) extroverted (16%) friendly (33%) giving (0%) happy (16%) helpful (0%) idealistic (0%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (50%) introverted (16%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (16%) logical (33%) loving (33%) mature (16%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (16%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (33%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (16%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (16%) trustworthy (16%) warm (0%) wise (16%) witty (33%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 10.3.2009, using data from 6 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view BBEP's full data.

Birthday

It's probably my ninth or tenth birthday. I am happy. I have friends. I haven't grown up to be the disappointment, yet. I haven't hurt anyone, broken their hearts yet. Innocent, young me. My only crime is not knowing the person I'd grow up to be. Sorry kid.

Ten days until my 26th birthday and what have I accomplished? Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Rather than doing something, I seem to bury myself in self-pity and expect the rest of them to fall in line. Our tradition of birthday week - which started in 2003 when Binx, D. and I started to hang out - is finally over. There won't be one this year because a rift has formed. Binx and I will still celebrate our birthdays - his is the day before mine - but D. is pretty much out of the equation in my life. To cure the ailments, one must remove the poison. I've vowed to remove all poisonous people from my life. There's only room for one self-destructive megalomaniac and he's writing this post.

The God Who Closed His Eyes

Saw Watchmen on Saturday. The movie didn't disappoint, at least not those of us who know the deeper meaning. Afterward, at Barnes & Noble, I purchased Watchmen and Philosophy: A Rorschach Test - the book follows the events in the graphic novel (well, as far as I've read), rather than focusing on the film. So far, none of the writers have actually touched on Dr. Manhattan as the god who closed his eyes when he zips off to Mars. Maybe it's brought up later in the book, or maybe no one wanted to make the argument. Either way, the book's good. The movie's great. But the original graphic novel is the best.

Egg Shells

I'm not sure if I'm an unstoppable force or an unmovable object. Not sure if it even really matters.

Lately I've been feeling lackluster and depressed, my life meaningless. I don't mean to be "emo" but that's how I feel. However, there are times - like today, for instance - when a sudden force pushes up from deep inside me and I feel jovial, if even for a minute. And in that lone minute, I treasure her.

It was a good thing

I can no longer separate fiction from fact. After a while, living in a world you created and designed, you tend to forget who you are. I know this is who I am becoming, but I hope I'll get passed it.

On my list

A job would be nice. I need to work a steady job rather than attempt this freelance crap. I need things - more like want things, but there are things I need. I need a place of my own. I need transportation. I need a clear goal and future. I want a typewriter (like the one posted above). I want a digital camera. I want to start my life with someone.

Three kids - two girls and a boy - just came to my house while I was writing this post. They came to see Fat Mike, our pet iguana. I don't personally like kids that aren't related to me. These kids smelled funny. I'm sure they thought the same about me. Exercising tends to do that to a guy.